Is the smoke detector working?

What the fuck am I doing

First...a little background.

My family have been engineers for dam near forever. Both my parents are engineers, as are my uncles. All four of their parents were engineers as well.
Their parents? 6 of them were engineers. the other 2 were a doctor and a banker.

To top it off, my dad is VERY old school in his thought process. I HAVE to have a degree (not a diploma) and it HAS to be from a university (not the ‘shitty 1/2 assed jokes’ offered at colleges.

So, need less to say. I’m heading into engineering as well. I’ve got some pretty fucking big shoes to fill.

I... dont know if I want to any more.

My entire life has always been engineering. I’ve been fascinated by the way things work and move. Always enjoyed tinkering with legos and what not. Rebuilt my first motor when I was 15 (yea, it was a shitty little 50cc 2 stroke, close enough)

So, obviously, when it came time to choose what classes to take and what future to go into, I set myself up for engineering. Took the maths and the sciences needed. I’ll be the first to admit I was never a stellar scholar, and my marks reflected this. I did, however. end up in a university (somehow) and started my studies there.

My first year went to shit. I got sick, was depressed, didnt have my ‘outs’ (no car, and the motorcycle was back down in toronto anyways). I failed it. miserably.

I tried it again. Didnt make it through calc 2, but I did reasonably with the rest of it. Now I’m in my 3rd year at the school, in the second year of the program, and I still have a first year course next semester.

I’m looking at it now (after having done a summer of engineering internship at magna) and i’m not sure its the right thing for me. Its all paper pushing and brown nosing higher ups and spreadsheets (at least where i was working).

The work and stuff i’m studying is SUPER dry and I’m really not enjoying much of it. is this what the rest of my life will be? equations and graphs? High school drama and political pussy footing?

At this point, I feel like I’m just doing this to make my dad happy. It sure as hell isnt making ME happy right now. But i’m getting the feeling I might not be cut out for it.

Part of me wants to just say fuck it and become a motorcycling journalist. but I have no-where near the writing skills to pull that off.
become a motorcycle technician/mechanic? That would require trades school. and given my dads school of thinking, that will happen right when hell freezes over.

I have no idea WTF to do. I never did anything else. Was never part of DECA, no model UN or anything like that. The MOST i’ve branched off were a couple of accounting classes in high school. Thats it.

What the fuck do I do? it doesnt help that I’ve already wasted basically 60k into this...and have nothing to show for it.

I could have gotten my parents to buy a classic 911 when I started school and they would have been WAY ahead of where we are now...

EDIT: another thing: I know some are going to say: to hell with what your dad wants, its your life. I get that. But at the end of the day, he is also my father. and being raised east-European...well. Lets just say flat out going: screw this, i dont want to do engineering anymore would be a really really really bad idea.


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