Is the smoke detector working?

Update on how I’m doing

It’s been really bad again. About 6 weeks ago we changed some medication and then I had the worst anxiety I’ve ever experienced for weeks. We took me off it and put me on the old meds about three weeks ago and I’ve slowly been getting closer to my normal. I almost had to be hospitalized and was suicidal. I had days where I was having anxiety attacks for hours and could barely hang on. I only went to therapy and psychiatrist appointments for a week and had a string of days where I didn’t eat and barely drank anything. Food and water made me feel like I would puke for hours.

My therapist had worked with my insurance and found a hospital for me and we were a couple days from sending me there. It’s been slowly improving though. I’m back to both jobs. I’m trying to plan for the fall semester. I’m slowly feeling better.

Today I went to therapy and had a really bad anxiety attack for about a half hour. We went way over on my session to try to get me righted enough to leave and be able to drive.

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When I get the attack I end up tensing all my muscles so hard that I have trouble breathing and my heart races and my whole body shakes. I can’t think and my breathing is so shallow that I feel like I’m going to pass out and my face gets numb like it’s falling asleep. Tingly feeling. Then I’m so tired and sore and unsteady that the rest of the day is basically just resting and lying in bed. I’m carrying a huge amount of physical tension for the past weeks/months that my body hurts and is sore all the time. My therapist wants me to look into getting a massage to see if that will help with the physical tension. I hate the attacks I’m learning to recognize and control them before they go full strength but it’s difficult. I try to breath through them and stay present in the room but it’s difficult even with my therapist helping me.

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