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Missed Connections

Illustration for article titled Missed Connections

“We met last Thursday, at the Credit Union on 4th. Me: wearing blue jeans, green polo, brown fauxhawk and shades. You: black bunnyhug, black skinny jeans, duffle bag, black balaclava, brandishing a handgun. Beautiful blue eyes that connected with mine as you told me “get on the fucking ground” in a threatening tone.


Fell for you the moment you came in through the door. Loved the way you didn’t take bullshit from anyone, especially when it seemed like the teller was stalling. Lots of guys have problems with strong and forceful women, but I found it endearing. The way you not only went after the money behind the counter, but then made everyone else in the bank give us your wallets. You might recognize mine, it has the Captain America shield on it. I’d kind of like it back, mainly because I’ve got enough stamps for a free sub at the deli in there.

You can keep my IDs, if you want. I’m kind of done with being me. You know, I’ve been thinking about starting fresh, and you seem like an exciting kind of person I could spend my time with. I’ll assume you like to exercise and do some sparring from how you pistol whipped the security guard and threw him down. I myself am a red belt in Judo, and am more than willing to be a workout partner. I think I’d be good with you. I’m a pretty excellent cook, which I imagine you might like after a long day of bank heisting, and give excellent massages. And I know you’re doing great on your own since the cops haven’t caught you yet, but if you need a getaway driver or an alibi guy to say “no, we were camping, here are some photos of our trip” in case they get on your trail, I’m all for it.


If you’re interested and want to meet up, just give me a sign. Maybe another bank? Give me a time and date, I’ll be a block away with the engine running, some dinner to have on the go, and a place to crash until the heat dies down. Looking forward to meeting you and having all sorts of fun!

Sincerely, You Can Be Bonnie and I’ll Be Your Clyde”

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