Or at least that’s the opinion of one woman I conversed with today when participating in a ‘Don’t move in with your significant other’ discussion over on Adequate Man.
Apparently only women’s choice whether she wants to get married matters.
If it’s a guy, he’s obviously garbage because he’s wasting her precious time... even if he’s upfront about not wanting to get married again.
And you know, I would like to believe she’s ‘just one idiot on the internet’.
But since my marriage ended around 8 years ago, I’ve had 3 relationships end because of this. I was always upfront and mentioned my desire to stay unmarried early on... but they were hoping I would change my mind. 2/3 were women that already had been married/divorced and already had kids.
And this has been on my mind because guess what? A little while ago, my current girlfriend, after dating for less than 5 months, started saying that “marriage is something that she’d like to explore again eventually”... aaaaaannnd... “she doesn’t see herself staying in a relationship with anyone who doesn’t want to explore that too”... which I found galling given that I put “While I’m interested in having a long term relationship, I’m not interested in getting married again” right in my dating profile.
I felt like SHE was wasting MY time. Annnd she’s my #4 now.
We had some intense discussions and we are still together... and I am still firmly in the ‘not getting married again’ camp. But part of me is on guard, expecting that one day she will force the marriage issue. And I already know that, unless there are some radical changes to certain key legislation and key changes with how the family law system works, I’m not gonna change my mind. And I expect that will likely lead to a breakup.
But I’m gonna enjoy it while it lasts... and hopefully I’ll be proven wrong.
I also find that women, far more than men, want to get married these days... In spite of all the talk I hear/read of wanting to be free, independent and self-sufficient. Yeah... they want that, but they are still “traditional” enough to want a guy to back-stop them financially... which I find a bit depressing.
The ironic thing about this is that there are guys out there who want to get married... but can’t find someone to marry.
And here I am getting offers I don’t want.
And that makes me think of something I learned a long time ago... people want what they can’t have... or want things they perceive to be scarce.
And I suspect that’s partly why, when you’re in a relationship, it seems others are suddenly interested in dating you too. Or when you walk into an empty store, it seems that others want to walk in right after you and it gets busy all at once. Or bars/nightclubs seem to go from being empty to full very quickly.
So just that everyone knows... I’m like an empty can of Manwich sitting in the garbage.