I could just take a few of my anti anxiety or sleeping pills and fall asleep and see how tomorrow goes. I’ve barely been able to leave my bed today, my depression has gotten really bad the past couple of weeks. I don’t care about anything anymore, I don’t enjoy anything anymore, I don’t want to do anything anymore but I also hate myself for not doing anything. I hate myself. I’m a 22 year old guy who survived child abuse but it haunts me and I don’t have any deep connections with anyone. The only person who really knows me is my therapist and I’ve always felt different then everyone else. I don’t understand how people do life day after day. No matter what I do I will die eventually anyway. I want to give up control and not have to think anymore. It really sucks to feel this way again. I’m just so fucking miserable and in mental pain. I wish I had parents that could have loved me or some level of support. I just want to feel like I’m worth something and like it’s possible that someone could love me but I can’t even like myself.
I’m really sorry. I’m still here, I feel really bad I probably shouldn’t have posted. I didn’t mean to worry anyone I didn’t think it would affect people or that anyone would care. I feel really ashamed. I have an appointment with my therapist on Wednesday at 3:30. I think I’m going to try to hang on till then and see how it goes from there. If I need to I can contact the hospital I went to last time with her go back. We will probably call my psychiatrist together too to talk about meds but my old one left and I’m assigned to a new one so I don’t know if he’ll do anything until I can meet with him in person on the 14th. I’m still in pretty rough shape but I think I can hold out till Wednesday’s appointment. I haven’t been able to get myself to read your responses yet, I’m worried that everyone will be mad at me but I’ll try to read and respond when I feel more up to it.