I think I experienced a 180 degree turn so hard last night that I’m still experiencing whiplash. I just...I just can’t understand the thinking that went into this conversation..

So, for some backstory:

My mum decided to put my name on the deed of the house they’ve repeatedly gotten scammed over and the same house that Miss Drug Dealer (who is still a passive-aggressive [expletive]) made me want to kill myself over. My name is on the deed, but my responsibility for the house went no further than keeping the mortgage (that wasn’t even in my name) on time. Now that I no longer live in the house, what happens to it is no longer my problem, right? Wrong.

So even though the reason my parents had to get a 1yr “rehab” loan is entirely their fault, the blame will be entirely on me if we lose the house on April 2nd. My mum got fired from her job years ago and the only way they can refi into a real mortgage is if I have stellar credit. Ah yes, I love having to repair the damage my parents caused to my credit (in a month, nonetheless), to save my parents from some stuff they have infamously gotten themselves into.

Yes, something I literally have no responsibility in is entirely my responsibility. I am now the only thing ensuring my brother and his family having a place to live.

Last year, I asked my mum why do they use me as their crutch, no matter how much it damages my life. The answer was depressing: “Your brother has a family”, “you don’t nor will ever have anything like that”. Ouch..

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Of course, as my parents have always done since I became an adult, their issues are literally my issues. I literally can never win with them. And they wonder why I’ve attempted to kill myself numerous times.

Last night, my mum told me to pay some things off on my credit to bring up my score. I told her that I couldn’t afford to do that. Her response was “sure you can’t” (sarcastically) followed by some exaggerated winking and a reiteration that we cannot lose the house and every dime I have has to go towards fixing my credit (that they damaged).

I followed it up with. “Well, I’m sorry. You’ll have to believe whatever you want.”

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And, before I could even roll my eyes, she fired back with “DON’T BE DISRESPECTFUL, I’M NOT DISRESPECTFUL TO YOU! I DON’T TREAT YOU LIKE THAT, DON’T TREAT ME LIKE THAT. THAT IS NO WAY TO TREAT YOUR MOM!!!!!!! DON’T BE LIKE YOUR DAD!”

Me: “But...like...literally 5 seconds ago you were disrespectful to me. I do take disrespect to you undermining me and not taking me at my word. If you tell me that you don’t have the money for something, I don’t call you a liar for it.”

Mum: “OH I KNOW YOU’RE NOT TALKING TO ME LIKE THIS!!! OH HELL NO!”

Me: “Nevermind, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

Just...why...