Because I feel it's important, and it explains why not only why I'm in the position I'm in and why I'm so anxious about everything but also why I'm so anxious and taking so long to get the help I need.
My parents are very anti-mental health. My dad thinks PTSD is a scam, even when it's coming from servicemembers, and he's in the army himself (or was). My mom is much, much worse, probably because very honestly she probably has some mental illness too. When I was at (my old college) I went to consoling myself and the consolers and therapists there determined I needed outside psychiatric help or risk becoming a suicide threat. I told them that my parents were not going to agree, but they told my parents that I needed outside help and possibly medication, and that if I refused they would not allow me back on campus. So yes they were threatening to kick me out, but all my parents had to do was agree to see some affordable psychiatric help and potentially put me on affordable medication.
When I came home after the campus informed me of that, my parents were screaming and yelling at me and they demanded that I unenroll from my old college, so I didn't.
My biggest fear is that will happen again with my current campus, and I can't afford that, from a degree and career wise and especially since that would deny me the help I need, and I fear that that point I will commit suicide because there's just nothing else left, maybe even do it just to spite my parents and their bullshit. Not that I'm suicidal now - I'm just afraid of what would happen. It's so bad that my own psychiatrist and therapist agree that it's best to keep it a secret from now (every thing I just told you is actually a part of my old campus' records which they saw). Very honestly I just need to be able to get away from here but without my own job that's a bit impossible right now. I guess if there's one good thing it's that my therapist and psychiatrist are working hard and nearly done getting me mental health benefits which will very likely include independent housing of some form.
Anyway, I appreciate you listening to me and I hope you can see where my anxiety is coming from.