I know a lot of people have it a lot worse than I do, but I still can't keep going like this anymore.
I hate my job.
I hate my roommate.
I hate my life.
I hate my truck.
I hate every single aspect of myself.
I hate everything.
I do door-to-door sales for Charter, which is a base salary + commission job. Base is $18k a year, commission starts at $2k/mo when you hit your minimum and goes up from there if you're a good salesman. The problem is that it turns out I'm a shitty Goddamn salesman, and haven't even been able to hit my minimum for 5 months. I'm putting in 50+ hours a week, so I'm making basically minimum wage. When I initially applied, I had the option of going with an installer position (something that I know like the back of my hand), but I got seduced by the big money that sales had the potential for. Now I know I've made a terrible fuckin' mistake and am trying to transfer over to the installer field, and HR is dragging their fucking feet on it. Seriously, I put in for the transfer over 2 weeks ago - I finally get a phone call yesterday, in which the HR lady had to check on some things and promised to call me today. Needless to say, no call from HR.
This weekend I have to fix rear brake lines on both the Grand Am and my Ram 50. Both lines blew when my roommate was driving them. I had the Grand Am ready to go to a new owner, and he pops one of the brake lines on the fucker. Of course, he's not going to fix the lines because he doesn't have the first fucking clue in how to bend lines, so it's yet another thing of mine that he breaks that I have to fix.
I got some cash out of the ATM today and saw I have $130 in the bank, which has to last until payday on Friday. I was supposed to go to the Chicago Auto Show because I got media passes through running the Upper Midwest Oppo page, but now I don't think I'll have gas money to go.
Even when I sell the Grand Am, I can't use the money to fix the stuff I need to (carb rebuild for the truck so it'll fucking idle, parts to get the 720 drivable so I can fix the rust hole in the Ram 50's frame), because all of that money has to go to the bills that have been piling up because I make less money right now than my actual expenses on the house are - the only reason I still have heat and electricity is because in Wisconsin they can't turn those off until April.
I haven't even done my taxes yet because I'm afraid that I'm just going to owe them money I can't fucking afford.
I can't fucking live like this.