Some friends of mine were t-boned at 30mph and are in the hospital in bad condition. One of my closest brothers was in there. I don’t know what’s wrong with my girlfriend. My parents are taking everything away, so this could very much be my last post. My health is rapidly declining, physical and mental. Warning, this is gonna get really long and personal.
I wasn’t accepted into any regular high school so my education is fucked, homeschooling is doing some serious mental damage when i just sit here all alone while my girlfriend seems to be losing interest because of her parents not wanting her to talk to guys and taking her stuff too and she seems to be buckling under stress and it shows. I stress about that and can’t stop checking my texts and stuff to see if she saw anything i sent or said anything, i literally check, turn off my phone, 5 seconds later check again, repeat. Same thing for Oppo because i can’t find any motivation to do any schoolwork at all and i check Oppo at least 60 times per 10 minutes even though i know there’s nothing there, i do it subconsciously just like checking if my girl texted. I don’t want to lose her at all. She is absolutely nothing like anyone i’ve been with before, she’s such a cool person and she understands my dark humor and texts (well, not anymore) super enthusiastically and responds (yet again, not anymore) right away. She made me feel loved and i was so happy with her and she was so happy with me; until our parents struck. She was abused by a former boyfriend years ago (i found him after she told me what happened, asked him why the fuck he would do that shit, he tries to fight me and i fucked him up but he got me pretty good too and i think i might’ve broke his nose, i dont know or care anymore) and since then her parents won’t let her talk to any guys at all. They found out she was texting and was in love with me and took her stuff. She still steals her phone back to text me, though now she doesn’t text me much at all after saying she needed to have a talk with me and i’m constantly thinking about her and worrying and im just fucking terrified and sad about everything. I really, really don’t want to lose her. My parents also found out about my second phone and that i was texting her and took my stuff too, except for my laptop and main phone for school but i think i might lose these too. Everything’s just going downhill, and I’m stuck alone every day worrying about what’s gonna happen with me and her and worrying about my friend in the crash and trying to fix my education and physical health (more on that later) and worrying and overthinking and having thoughts that if i explained all of them, you people would probably ban me and call me utterly insane and the whole 9 yards. But onto my physical health and why i might die. I am 16 years old, 5'10". I weigh ~97 pounds. Yup. Let that sink in. Due to all the stress i can’t help but bring upon myself because im an idiot, i am steadily losing weight and due to more health problems i have a lot of trouble gaining weight and soon enough i’ll be too far under and just die. I try to exercise and do things to prevent that, but I am just far too unmotivated and without energy and the stress makes it hard to eat, though even before i was stressing i would eat more than my dad and mom would combined and still not gain a single pound, so yeah my situation’s kinda dire. I don’t know how i can feel motivated, i’ve tried everything and still just feel dead and tired. I truly believe i’m better off dead, and all the stress, depression, shittyness that happens in my life, has happened in my life and continues to happen in my life makes me believe that more and more to the point where i’ve already attempted a few times in the past month. Nothing ever works out for me and i’m past my breaking point, literally running on fumes now. Yes i’m only 16 which means a lot of you probably won’t take me seriously or call me stupid or say this is ridiculous but i’ve given up on caring so say what you want. Unless things manage to turn around at all, you probably won’t hear from me ever again. If i go dark i either died, died another way, gave up on life and became a recluse or became preoccupied with something that gives my life legit meaning.