I wish I could live on my own where no one could get mad at me for making mistakes on accident, where I wasn’t surrounded by people who make everything my fault. Where I didn’t have depression and where my family was relatively normal, where all I would have to do to feel loved was be alive instead of need to be perfect to feel ok. Where I didn’t dread every time I leave my room because they will find something I did wrong.
I miss my mom from when I was younger, when she could see that I was depressed and would say that that was ok. But I also hate who she became at the end, when she choose drinking over me. For not making it to see me graduate high school.
It makes me sad and jealous to see other people interact with there families. Where they can just interact and be natural instead of hiding who they are to pretend to be perfect.
I don’t know who I am or what I want, except I want the pain and sadness to go away, I want to be able to enjoy anything again. I don’t want to feel guilty about everything including the way I feel and think.
I want a different life
I want to not be broken
I just want the pain to stop