This is why I’m very sympathetic to all those Mother’s Day stories on Jezebel about why people are brave for separating themselves from their moms.

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Ok so obviously I’m not very rich as I’ve talked about my money problems before, but at least I was able to scrape up enough cash and pull enough strings to get my mom a little cake and some gourmet coffee for Mother’s Day, especially since she really likes gourmet coffee.

The next day (this morning) she attempts to repay my by attempting to literally steal all my money from my bank account, telling me having her steal all my money from my bank account is a good thing when I bust her on it and by not allowing her to steal all my money from my bank account, I’m being ungrateful and a bad son and make threats to disown me (she’s already disowned my brother because how dare he have a child with a Latina woman).

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The reason why she’s attempting to steal all my money in the first place is for “my own good” and from her broken attempts to explain it she wants to lock it away in a CD account so that it will earn a few more dollars on interest but I literally can’t afford to have that money locked away for a few months for a few fucking lousy dollars because she has to be OCD about this in some bizarre way.

Welp, I guess time to call a lawyer. Again.