I really don’t know what to feel. I was born in ‘94, so my earliest football memories are centered on the Greatest Show on Turf. I spent countless Sundays cheering on the Rams and enjoyed the games I went to. I always thought I’d stick with the Rams if this day came, but now that it’s here, I don’t really know... this all feels so weird. It’s like the Rams aren’t my Rams anymore. I know it’s the same team, but they seem so alien to me now.

My Rams held yearly practices at Scott AFB (on the side of the river I’m from); they made appearances on my local sports radio; they did interviews with local tv reporters. They participated in community events; Will Hayes and Chris Long did an excellent piece on homelessness in STL; they played in the slightly dank yet beloved Edward Jones Dome.

In the blink of an eye, all that is gone. Sure I’m angry, but I’m mostly just taken aback by the fact that one man singlehandedly ruined the dreams of thousands of people. That he took a flaming dump on my hometown in the process, using obviously flawed and illogical rhetoric. That the NFL, with its supposed checks and balances, just went along with this because of politics and cash. This whole process has left me quite jaded.

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I know it’s not the end of the world, and that worse things have happened to me personally and especially to less fortunate others. But the fact that this happened, and the way that it happened, has left me feeling numb and dejected. I want to keep cheering for the Rams, but I don’t know if I can. However, I don’t feel that I can just latch onto a new team like the Bears or Chiefs, either.

I’ve seen many others claim that they’re done with the NFL for good, but I love pro football too much to stop following the sport. I won’t let Goodell and company take that away from me. I guess I just need some time to sort through this whole thing.

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In the meantime, Stan Kroenke and the other rich assholes who enabled him can go choke on used engine oil.