I'll probably be writing a longer one in the near future. I've been waiting for the "right time" to make a post like this, but it just feels like I'm waiting for an excuse to just not make a post at all. I don't even know why. By now many of you know that in the past year I've really struggled with depression. 2014 has more than kind of sucked after a 2013 that was flooded with almost nonstop sentimental moments (especially towards the end) right after I recovered from chemotherapy during the last quarter of 2012. In fact the depression has sucked so bad that, as you probably know too, I've hinted at suicide right here on Kinja (well, OppositeLock specifically) and even was temporarily committed to psychiatric evaluation (which itself turned out to be a less-than-helpful experience) after experiencing a breakdown in my student teaching. Anyway, long story short after that breakdown and all that I've become very worried about my immediate career prospects, so I'm thinking about taking a bit of a break so to speak from everything. I'm very, very strongly considering teaching English overseas. It seems like something that might suit me well and if nothing else I can always return home to the "status quo" after I do a tour but I'm worried about the culture shock and, among other things, not having access to stuff like even having English language books to read (reading was pretty much my primary means of coping with the depression and loneliness during the chemo and well, well after).

But what I'm most afraid of all is returning to the "status quo" since it seems pretty bare and melancholy to begin with, and whether or not I can earn enough of a living and make it sustainable enough teaching overseas. But I suppose that's something I should ask Kat.

And I suppose it's better than the alternative - the holiday break has been rather lonely and that combined with the anxiety hasn't exactly made things fun, but I'm hanging in there. Anyway, thank you for your time.