Do you like to play video games? Do you have an XBoner or PlaywithyourselfStation4? Or maybe you have a 360 or PS3 (if so you need to go get a real job so you can graduate from 2007) and you're looking for a game you can play that doesn't require friends because you don't have any? I'm kidding about that last part (or am I) but all your friends have real jobs and have moved on from those old shitty consoles or PC Master Race and you can't keep up because you can't afford a real video card right? Right. Anyhow

Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor is a game you should play. If you're a fan of the Tolkien universe, like Assassin's Creed and wouldn't mind a bit of both, you should play this. God damn, I've only played like fifteen minutes and I'm hooked. I'm still fiddling with the sensitivity because aiming with the bow goes from Mitsubishi Mirage to Pagani Huehuehuera - in terms of speed - with the slightest motion. This sucks balls and needs to be fixed. ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME, ACTIVISION? FIX DIS SHIT

It's always Activision's fault.

But the graphics are pretty slick. They need to be tightened up on level three, but that's no big deal. Your guy is pretty sprightly for someone well on his way to being a Gears of War stand-in, and the combat is smooth. I'm not sure how I feel yet about being able to break a movement or kill animation in order to block the guy behind you - I mean it is a neat thing to keep that health bar up, but there's no way in hell you could pull your dagger out of that bastard's throat quickly enough to put it away, unsheath your longsword and parry the attacking Uruk behind you. But it's a fucking video game so whatever.

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I haven't even hit a main mission yet. I'm running around like an idiot, laying waste to the massive amount of dumbass enemies, and having the time of my life. You should play this game.