It’s horrible with what’s going on in Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge, TN. I guess naturally I thought of Dolly Parton when I first heard about it.

But for some stupid reason, all I could think about most of the day was the 1983 version of myself sneaking downstairs to watch “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas” on HBO, thinking I was going to see Dolly topless.

The funny thing was that not only had I not hit puberty at the time, I had not had Sex Ed yet in school. So there was no way I would have comprehended what I thought I was going to witness.

Spoiler Alert: she didn’t get her freak on.